We need umbrellas, white privilege (Part 3)

Dear Daring Readers,

I hope you are somehow coping with all the things 2020 is throwing at us. July and August have been pretty silent months for me, mostly void of writing and online presence. Sometimes we need a moment, or months, to pause. Dealing with change and injustice is tough, and this is a year that has not given us time to collectively adjust to the reality we now live in for the foreseeable future. Personally it took me some time to get used to working from home and I finally found a therapist (yes!), something I had wanted to do for at least 7 years. My plan is to share my journey, so more on that topic is to come in the next few months.

The upside of me not writing about racism for a while is that we need more content now to keep the momentum going, way beyond the month of June. Back then I listened to this podcast and found it really insightful. (Link to Unlocked podcast https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-ibram-x-kendi-on-how-to-be-an-antiracist/)

The ways the world we live in is unfair or cruel have been exposed at a global level by the virus and by the spotlight on police violence, yet I think we don’t pay as much attention to how our world has been shaped by the ideas and systems that have created the inequality, violence and discrimination we see. Misogyny, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, fatphobia, ableism, capitalism and racism live in our society, and are sustained by ideas and systems that are all around us. If you were brought up on this planet some of the main stereotypes and ideas used to propagate them are familiar to you. I find that not believing them is not enough, especially when you see messages that reinforce those notions every single day. Questioning is key: a daily questioning of needs, wants and truths.

Self-questioning is key to explore how we came to believe what we believe. Keeping in mind that simply believing something to be true for a long time, even when everyone around you does, is not enough to make it true. No idea is ever above questioning and definitely true or untrue. Especially if you are part of groups where there is little diversity, believe the people of groups you don’t spend time with when they tell you what you said is biased and offensive. Believe them and learn from the experience. An example of this is climate change, jokes about the fact that humans are the “virus” that erase the presence and humanity of indigenous populations from history, and ignore the wisdom and strength of the remaining indigenous tribes all over the world. This is an offensive joke I will never make again.

In that episode of Unlocking Us Brené Brown explores this concept while talking with Ibram X. Kendi (minute 32:25 on), and he blew my mind with his use of metaphors! They both agreed on the fact that shame is not a helpful social justice tool, and that categories that seem fixed, such as “being a person who is not racist,” are not useful. I would add that the “woke” category does the same thing; it gives you the illusion that you can be this person who is just and progressive by default, without any mishaps and corrections. The most difficult thing for white people is not caring itself , a lot of us want to care, which does not make us right or non-racists, it is admitting that we hold racist beliefs while trying to speak up against racism. And we know that we said or did the wrong thing in the past and would like to make amends.

Ibram X. Kendi says that it is raining racist ideas and we don’t know we are wet (and the same goes for a lot of other harmful ideas that shape our society). He adds “Part of what is raining on us is the idea that we are dry,” and says that people who point out that you are wrong are “offering you an umbrella.” This sums up so much of what there is to say about people who fight for justice and seek change while holding unearned privilege, for example white privilege. We are participating as a group that is not as affected as others, while actively reaping the benefits of others’ oppression, and have been taught racist ideas in every single area of our lives.

Lesson one is not being in denial. Being a racist does not mean being a member of the KKK, we can all say things that are racist or offensive and choose to challenge our beliefs instead of choosing to be right no matter what. In other words, accept that you are wet and take that umbrella (your own or someone else’s).

This is hard for me to practice as a white person, as I am often tempted to stay silent. It feels safer not to say anything, and just share someone else’s content (which is a good idea) in order not to be shamed for potentially causing harm. If you are not sure you can say the right thing just let other people handle this, right? This is one of the manifestations of white privilege and shows that you have the luxury of not participating if, like in this case, you are not personally affected. As Brené Brown says, the most important thing is to show up, knowing that you might be wrong and be called out, with the ultimate goal of getting it right, not being right!

As a white person I know that I am at the epicenter and source of racism. I am not looking at it from the outside as it unfolds. It is time for me and many others to act accordingly! This is not to say that none of us was aware of this before, but at least for me the time of reading books and learning about it as if it was someone else’s problem is definitely over. Listening is the step after not being in denial, speaking and taking action come next.

Trying to get it right and showing up have got me through the last two posts, which were not easy to write because part of me dreaded being called out when writing about a struggle I do not live in first person. There are others that I do live and want to write about (and even then I feel somewhat incompetent). One of the things that I keep telling myself is that misogynistic ideas pop up in my head more often than I care to admit even to myself, so I must have internalized a lot more that needs to be analyzed and questioned regarding other issues. Racism is definitely one of them.

I would like to leave you with a clip of an old episode of The Daily Show. My favorite part is from minute 5:30 when he talks about compassion and race. A white woman, who killed a Black man called Botham Jean in his own house, was treated in a compassionate way at the trial, which caused justifiable rage. Trevor Noah rightly says that every single Black person accused of a crime or victim of a crime is not treated with that level of compassion. I’d like you to watch the video if you are white; it is powerful and makes you question a lot of headlines you see every single day of your life.

The next time you see a headline that dehumanizes the victim or the perpetrator, question it! Ask yourself if you still want to consume that kind of content. If you don’t notice dehumanizing and discriminatory language or think it irrelevant, you will absorb those ideas and be more likely to make offensive jokes or share racist ideas in your daily life without noticing. Not to mention that you will show support for a system that allows discrimination and inequality to flourish. What you are not questioning, you are accepting and perpetuating.

We need an umbrella and the courage to take it, without defensiveness, fear or resentment. We owe it to the people who are offering feedback and a reality check.

What do you need to question? What beliefs of yours have been questioned lately?

With love, justice and an umbrella,

Dare to be b@ld