Dear Daring readers,
What’s coming your way? What’s going to be new in 2020?
New or old struggles can make a new year feel daunting. There might be something exciting about the new year, something that makes you chuckle with glee or brightens up your face and makes you beam in these dark times.
Good things are commonly thought of as something that can cheer you up and give you something to look forward to, but what if you suffer from anxiety?
The things that excite you can cause anxiety that makes you feel on high alert. If you know what I mean, you have also rehearsed tragedy while or before experiencing something undeniably and unmistakably awesome. Every single thing that could go wrong, plus some scary and very random scenarios will flash before your eyes. You will spend a lot of time scared of having something amazing erased by the thoughts in your head.
How scary is that? That you can be frightened by your perceived inability to appreciate and live to the full when you most want to, because you and your worst enemy are the very same person.
Now, I do not like this war-like scenario in which I am at war with myself. I really do not. Hence, I would rather heal by listening to the improbable scenarios and acknowledging that they are indeed dreadful. In other words, validate my feelings and accept them.
There is nothing better than examining nightmares in the light of day: they look more absurd, dark and disturbing. It can be calming to share them with others.
I invite you to share the nightmares or weird scenarios that you experience when you rehearse tragedy in your head. Choose people who will not be scared if you do so, those who can laugh with you at how awful and absurd life can be. Those who can validate your feelings without feeling under pressure to cheer you up. Those who do not have the same problem (you don’t want to make theirs worse!) and understand that we can all suffer from anxiety at times. If there is one thing we do not need is denial. If you feel it, own it!
Be considerate with the people you share with, and check with them if it is OK to share. The holidays are a great time of the year to practice consent (more on this great topic in 2020!) I’d like to invite you to respect the wishes of human beings and animals alike, and check (with the humans) to make sure you have understood their boundaries. Some people like me are really not into presents and sharing details of one’s life with relatives. Make sure you know the people around you well enough to be considerate, and ask questions if you are not sure.
Another amazing strategy can be to ask whether it is OK to vent before you do so, or mention if you need advice, so that the listener can listen knowing the desired purpose of the experience. First and foremost, do not take for granted that people will want to discuss very private things, even if you are close to them. Sometimes humans do not have the mental space to share or to listen.
Make sure to create a welcoming environment for the people you want to celebrate with by honoring their wishes and listening to their answers.
On my own horizon, I see some good family time, a much-anticipated trip and another year of sharing, hopefully with an even bigger audience. Although I would like to share at more venues and with an increasing number of humans, I am also stressed out by the very possibility of this blog or my live performances getting any bigger, getting any traction or comments. Also, next year at some stage I am going to ditch the wig for good. I am done wearing it, but have a hard time deciding when to go ahead with my bare-head project! Knowing myself and my past insecurities I am aware that letting go of this form of protection at work is going to generate a lot of stress at first (and then become not newsworthy at all very quickly). Both exciting and terrifying!
I am going to work on this and remind myself (and you) that freedom of expression, connection and sense of community may come with nasty comments online, or simply make you feel exposed at times. Here we go then! Feel free to share comments or stories in the comment section, now or in 2020.
If you are losing sleep over something exciting, rest assured, many others are too. It doesn’t make it better, but it makes it realistic.
I wish you an inspiring, thoughtful and joyous 2020!
Excited&terrified,
Dare to be b@ld
photo credit: Ian Mulholland
Dare to be b@ld 