Gladly real aka openly imperfect

Hello readers,

Spending time in nature is one my favorite things to do, and apart from the very clear benefits, I think I walk in a park to observe and learn. There is always something to see if you pause and open your eyes: a tiny little detail that you wouldn’t have noticed on a hectic day, a new smell, fallen branches, furry animals…

I spotted some flowers in the rose garden and took some pictures a few weeks ago. Rose season is now long gone, yet I felt some of the garden was even more stunning than it was in July. Unsure as to why I was so drawn to those flowers and pretty indifferent to the ones that looked freshly planted and gorgeous, I pondered what the message or the lesson was.

My instinct says preferences matter, and in the last few months, I have honestly struggled to determine what those are for me.

Now that I have exited the race to look good and please others.

Now that I have asserted my right to be an androgynous woman.

Now that I have proudly walked in different countries without a wig.

Now that I have walked onto stages to amplify my voice.

Now that I stay away from ads and their toxic messaging as much as possible.

Now that I am open to new possibilities and ideas.

What now? What are my real preferences? What do I actually like and want to prioritize?

When I look at nature I am far from the influence of ads, and beyond the reach of billboards and shop windows, so that is where I could find the answer. I think it is an unfiltered version of me that walks in nature, especially when I feel totally immersed in it. I do not look for the illusion of perfection or validation of others, I look for diversity (one of my favorite things ever!) and meaning. Wilted roses surrounded by weeds and weirdly shaped tress attract my attention like no well-groomed flowers and manicured gardens. My focus goes to what stands out as surprising, intriguing, perplexing and weirdly mesmerizing. Not in the loud and flashy ways of ads, but in the quiet and powerful ways of a park or forest.

Nature is the place we forgot we belonged to, and keep somehow separate from our basic needs. Nature is, always is, at the very top. We are part of it. It is where home is.

Places have a way of telling us the word “perfection” does not belong here. Even when we take good pictures and try to enhance them, deep inside, we know that no picture is ever perfect, no matter how beautiful the subject is, the goal is more subtle and depends on taste.

A few months ago I was about to post a picture of one my first events without the wig. I felt very comfortable in my own skin that night, and rejoiced in the fact that I didn’t have to hide anymore. Yet, on seeing the picture, I felt the necessity to erase a pimple from my neck. And I did. I edited a picture taken by a person, who I think was a professional, to eliminate a flaw I perceived as the only thing I could focus on when looking at the picture. Given how distracting I found it, I thought the change would benefit others too.

Well, nature, human nature and the rest of it, taught me that by doing it I was wrong about two things. Firstly, I assumed it was important because I didn’t see a good picture, I saw a mistake to be corrected. That was a result of decades looking at pictures of me to find the flaw I was most afraid of at that moment in time (pimples, facial hair, bald spots, belly roll etc.) It takes time. It really does. Sometimes I still catch myself doing that. Old patterns are hard to break, although it is done. Right here, right now!!!

Secondly, (this one is the reason I posted this in the first place) I assumed people would see what I saw. People see things from their own perspective. Period. Hell, some people do not even know I wear a wig after seeing me at work for months! People see what they expect to see. Some people were as acutely aware as I was that I was going bald before I shaved and bought a wig. Others never noticed a thing.

We often forget how skewed our own perception of our body image is. Insecurities born out of standards we never really have to meet create pressure and make us feel a sense of urgency to edit, correct, improve… rejuvenate! Without having any awareness of what our true preferences are, we feel they do not matter. What matters is pleasing other people whose standards and preferences we have no control over, and who might be influenced by ad campaigns or relatives’ opinions more than by their own taste.

The next time you look at a picture, try to silence the people pleaser in you, who tells you could have looked better. Listen to your own inner voice, the one that knows your priorities. My own said that the picture I wanted to “perfect” was a picture of me doing something I love. Tell me the name of an app that can enhance that!!! 😉

I posted the picture, pimple on the neck and all, which was appropriate because one of the poems that night was about accepting one’s body the way it is. I cannot celebrate showing my real self, and encourage others to do the same, if I allow that voice from the past to dictate which parts are to be shared and which parts are not.

What I am saying is that every time you select parts to be edited out you are doing a little damage to your wholeness and integrity, and that you become your flaws when you are afraid of them. In other words, the belly fat is part of you as much as your eyes or lips, when you edit them out you attempt to distance yourself from parts that are unmistakably yours.

Accept yourself as a whole being today to embrace your true self in the future.

From acceptance to radical self-love!

May our “wilted flowers” lessen the strength of harmful messaging we see every day!

May our imperfections school others on the very option of embracing them!

May my imperfections allow yours to be shown publicly without fear and with true joy!

Remember that you are whole when you reclaim the pieces you were meant to throw away, hide or change.

Defiance is loving the roses surrounded by weeds and their assertion of nature’s order. Defiance of this daft world is needed, as we can all see things that are very wrong with it.

Be gladly imperfect with sass!

Your gladly imperfect blogger,

Dare to be b@ld

P.S. If you could use a podcast to give you a boost in morale and a weekly reminder that perfection is an effing myth listen to this one https://www.effperfect.com/podcast

P.P.S If you need a role model, please follow Elizabeth Gilbert, yes, that one. She is a master of sass and openly imperfect in awe-inspiring ways @elizabeth_gilbert_writer