Hello readers,
What is that you lack?
What comes to mind? Things to buy? How does it make you feel?
We live in a world where we are compelled to buy several times a day, and our heads are filled with (mostly) imaginary benefits. Once you have covered the basics and feel reasonably comfortable, what do you need? Is it stuff? Does buying it make you feel good?
I wrote before about the fact that to counter the ads we see everyday we could use reminders of the usefulness of what we already have. I cited “A Life Less Throwaway” in which the author suggests creating our own ads for what we have, including pets and people in our lives, to focus on what we have, rather than the perceived holes in our lives.
Johann Hari in “Lost Connections” refers to consumerism as “KFC for the soul.” He says it creates “junk values” that make us desire things that symbolize status and wealth, rather than what can make us happy. He talks about the anxiety consumerism generates: a never-ending game that you can’t win. Whenever you buy what you think you need expecting great benefits, you find yourself thinking about the next thing you want to buy shortly after, because ads influence you, and frankly, because we have internalized the urge.
When I think about the past I realize that I wanted to buy stuff to wear when I felt uncomfortable. Eating and buying stuff can make us feel good when we don’t want to feel discomfort. Yes, just like a drug, but legal and widely encouraged. Capitalism feeds on our desire to improve ourselves and feeds us ideas that can guide us to choose what we think is going to make us look good.
As you know I am proudly bald, I wasn’t always proud or bald though. And I was regularly sold products to make my hair grow. It took me years to stop buying into a culture that dictated women required hair, long if possible, definitely full. When you buy a product you buy the idea that you need it. I bought the idea that there was something wrong with me every time I purchased a new thing in the hope of seeing change. Those objects never brought about change. It took me years to undo what ads had fed me, and although it was painful at first to say goodbye to the idea of having full hair, I then felt a sense of freedom I regularly bathe in when I need a reminder of my gains. Those products were superfluous: they did not add anything to my life and cost money, of course (so they subtracted that from my life!)
We are part of the system, and we need to say “stop” every time people push us towards a product.
When I think about freedom now, I cannot see it separate from the feeling of not needing stuff. I walk by shops and the chance of me making a purchase is very low (unless it is food!!!) I am fine with that now. It does not bother me.
I used to feel uncomfortable when I felt down, wanted a new outfit but lacked the money to buy it. My mind went to a dark place every time I thought about what other people could afford, envy would ensue and consume me. I thought there were many things that could make my life better. I even made mental lists of items that I would love to wear and show off. Except, my giddiness lasted the time to make the list and then evaporated. It was all in the realm of the impossible.
I spent time looking for things to buy out of habit, thought about items I could acquire in the future, and rarely looked at what I had. Also, I freaked out often because products to improve my skin and hair were not working. I dreamed of the next miraculous product that would change my life, while feeling that there was something wrong with me. I believed I was too wrong to be fixed. Nothing could really look good on me. I flinched in changing rooms feeling too fat and wrongly shaped for whatever I was trying on. Instead of questioning why I had to fit perfectly into clothes made for a different body shape, being a woman with a t-shaped body, I insulted myself. Instead of questioning society’s mantra that you are never too skinny and that underweight is sexy, I bought into it. Junk values. I wanted people to tell me I was beautiful, and, of course, I never believed a single person who actually said it.
I now know that nothing could fix me because there was nothing to fix. NOT because I was already perfect, a mantra of the body positive movement, but because “beautiful” was never a worthwhile goal. It was dictated by capitalism to scare me into purchasing stuff to change myself. Being myself was, and is, the goal. And what that means is for me to figure out, no ads permitted, me listening to myself. Hard, arguably worthwhile and life-affirming.
Brené Brown explores scarcity mentality in a way I found enlightening when I read one of her books a few years ago. She says that focusing on scarcity makes you feel anxious and is always counterproductive. Scarcity mentality has to do with a perceived lack of material goods, time, and opportunities, and does not lead to any improvement of your condition. It correlates with high levels of depression, stress and anxiety, fosters fear and hinders gratitude. Focusing on what you lack will inevitably bring you back to what you need to feel happier again and again, potentially erasing appreciation for what you have.
If you think seeing the Amazon on fire is distressing, then you need to link our need for unlimited consumer products to its impact on the forest. We do not have the resources to produce all of those gadgets and creams we think we need. We don’t.
An economy based on those never-ending needs is literally deleting a future we could have had, so we need to focus on what we have and get rid of distractions. Most of us in the West actually have too many objects, and money wise a few have most of the wealth. Why do we want to be like the few at the top? Why don’t we question the junk values fed by those few?
I invite you to question your beliefs and behaviors. If you feel admiration for someone who is very wealthy, question it! Do you want to continue admiring someone who is hoarding wealth in an unequal world?
When someone tells you a product will revolutionize your existence, question it! Is it true? Is this person/ad/company making you feel insecure and lacking? Is this a way to fix a problem that was never there? Is there any way of meeting your needs without buying anything?
If you think a new outfit could help you drown your sorrow (or other emotions that make you feel uncomfortable), question it! ” Why do I feel this way? Is there any other way I can deal with this?”
This means that the new things you do bring into your life will have a clear purpose and make you feel more satisfied, because you have actually thought about their contribution beforehand.
Note that it takes a while to get used to buying very little (food and some hygiene products excluded.) Don’t be hard on yourself! Talking from firsthand experience, once you question why you do what you do, success is pretty much guaranteed. Slow progress is way better than no progress.
How do we consume less? Look at your stuff and decide for yourself!
Two general ideas to use as rebuttals any time an ad comes on making you feel lacking and insecure.
Scarcely true: the idea that you need lots of new stuff in your life to live well. Unless you are lacking the basics, it is not true.
Truly abundant: the resources of your community are abundant. People can share, teach skills and cooperate to bring about change and improve overall quality of life.
Here are a few ideas for you to consider (this is not an ad, no pressure to choose!)
This kind of stuff makes me feel giddy.
Give away what you don’t need or use. Reduce
Buying in bulk can really help reduce the amount of plastic in your life, although it is not available everywhere.
Buy local when/if possible – lessens use of fossil fuels to transport items + finding information on local items and how they were produced might be easier. For the same reason lots driving and frequent flying are not great for your health and the planet.
Buying second-hand clothes is another way to recognize that we already have so much as a society, that we can get a “new” outfit without producing anything new.
Mending, yes, mending! To use what you have and make it last you have to repair it. I think there is something poetic about keeping something for a long time and taking care of it.
Make your own stuff. Use the skills you have to feel satisfied with what you can do with your hands instead of what you can buy. Cooking can seriously train you to use what you have before you buy new products.
Take your questioning to the next level and PROTEST! (Fridays For Future & Extinction Rebellion)
Spend time in nature! If consumerism is KFC for the soul, unwinding in nature is the finest dish.
Radical Love & Abundance,
Dare to be b@ld
Dare to be b@ld 